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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 29, 2016 12:05am-1:07am EST

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all members of the academy who are eligible are invited to vote their nominations for best picture. in most other categories, the nominations are decided by a vote of the members working in that specific category. then the entire membership chooses from those nominations the recipients of the oscars. and finally, the results of all the secret voting are known only to the independent accounting firm of pricewaterhousecoopers
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thanks for staying with us, i am erica bryant. this happened early this morning, during the weekend hosting the ciaa tournament. deshawn brown poke to neighbors who now have growing safety concerns. >> reporter: some of those residents told me they did not know what happened here, others could not believe it. it all happened this morning in front of the building which houses a condo, a restaurant, and also a hotel and police say suspects fired nearly 50 shots here, amazingly no one was hurt. >> 50 shots went off, 40, word is, i didn't hear a thing. >> the street at south caldwell is clear and the glass window has been replaced. for upresident, charley-- uptown resident, charley, he said safety has been shattered. >> i could have been here in the middle of the night and i could
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>> no one was hurt, but arrested and charged was bolton, thompson, and wright, accused in the shooting. the 3 men from out of town were in charlotte for ciaa events and say wright was armed with a pistol and ak-47 when they arrested him. police tell us those wemen s and others-- weapons and others taken from the car matched shell casings find at the scene. >> i had no idea it happened. >> other fansb in town could not-- fans in town for the ciaa tournament could not believe it. david dixen traveled from raleigh. >> i stayed here before, i live in raleigh before but stayed here before. >> i don't know if they had anything to do with the events, outsiders, or what, but it needs to be reviewed and see if this is the kind of thing we want inshare. >> reporter: i took his safety concerns to the mayor's office
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i asked police about a motive here and if there was anyone inside the vehicles that were shot into but police have not answered those questions either. we will keep you updated but for now, reporting live from uptown charlotte, deshawn brown, channel 9. >> thank you. the 3 suspects are expected in court tuesday. city leaders say several venues were closed over ciaa weekend because of code violations. in addition to that, cmpd arrested 9 people. 4 of those for alcohol-related things, 3 assault, 2 for trespassing, the fire department will release specific numbers and information on the venues that were closed tomorrow. also developing tonight, a man fell nearly 30 feet this afternoon at crowders mountain. we first reported the story as breaking news earlier at 6:00, since then eyewitness news reporter elsa gillis learned how
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>> this is a pathway that leaders to the overlook, it is one of the more popular spots to hike to and take pictures, especially on a day like today. >> there is lots of hazards involved when you get tie high places. >> reporter: state park superintendent hyde got the call 4:30 sunldy afternoon regarding a fall at the highest point of the bolders access area. >> you get an area with inherent dangers. >> reporter: a 23-year-old man was trying to capture a view when he fell nearly 30 people. >> they were not bolder bouldering. >> he was air lifted with serious injuries. he was alert when crews responded. this isn't the first fall. almost a year ago a mother of 3 fell to her death trying to take a picture at crowders mountain.
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park. when you consider the amount of people that come each year, last year was almost 670,000 people, but, there are some incidents that might occur. >> reporter: park rangerssy save,000 came to-- 7,000 came to the park today. they are reminding people to be aware of surrounding when they visit. >> last month we told you state park officials started posting new warnings for visitors, officials added 5 nigh signs with larger-- new signwise larger letters-- signs with larger letters and bolder colors to alert of dangers. we are asking if a gunman is on the loose after man was shot and killed at a party gaston county in mt. holly. a man wrauz shot early this-- was shot early this morning and people took him to the hospital where he later died. channel 9 spoke to neighbors this afternoon who said the home
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all weekend. no word on the suspects. an armed robbery at a cbs in pageland-- cvs in pageland. the suspect hold up the stor manager and demanded oxycodone. the victim says he forced her to open the safe in the pharmacy to hand over the drugs. police are looking for the suspect tonight, no one was physically hurt. 2 days from super tuesdays when voters hit the polls in a dozen state. hillary clinton looking to maintain momentum after a huge win in south carolina's primary yesterday. she ahead of bernie sanders in georgia, tennessee, and texas. on the republican side, donald trump leads in georgia and tennessee. ted cruz is ahead in texas and says that he is the candidate to beat trump. >> our campaign is the only one in a position to beat donald
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if you want to stop this, this, this trump train, the only way to do so is to beat him on super tuesday. >> super tuesday is the biggest single day in the primary voting season. bernie sanders supporters hit the street of asheville today. they held a rally and then marched downtown. the national bernie sanders campaign will open an office in western north carolina tomorrow after just opening an office in durham today. >> we are here to win north carolina and we believe that as long as we are able to talk to the voters of north carolina we can win here. >> clinton opened her first office in north carolina 2 weeks ago, early voting starts thursday in north carolina, the primary is march 15th. just in the past ninety minutes crews responded to a small fire at an apartment complex near unc charlotte. emergency vehicles around the edge on varsity place, a woman in a nearby apartment said the fire started on the balcony.
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right now we are asking what caused the fire. tomorrow an iredell county man accused of leading deputies on a chase in a stolen dump truck will be sentenced. this is a case we covered since july of 2014. james keith call is accused of robbing a worker at a produce stand and then leading deputies on a chase in the truck until he crashed i-77. he was armed and that spur adstandoff that last-- stirred a standoff that lasted nearly 3 hours. one talked to call and eventually helped convince him to sursender peacefully. tensions remain high in syria after reports of russian air strikes hitting targets in 2 major cities. you hear the blast there, a cease fire took effect trying to bring temporary quiet to syria's
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the u.s. and russia solidified the deal earlier this week. the united nations is using the truth to try to deliver much-needed aid to syrian families who are caught in the middle of the violence. new at 11:00, a north carolina man will be in court tomorrow charged with stealing more than $40 ,000 worth of equipment from a church. police say jeffrey silvers took the items from biltmore baptist and pawned them off. the robberies happened in december but silvers was just arrested today. he pawned the items at 3 locations. an army staff sergeant assignd to the pentagon will be in court ferrousing murder charges, he shot and kill adrookie officer on her fus-- killed a rookie officer on her first day on the job killing ashley guindon last night in virginia. guindon and the others were responding to the area for domestic call, the prosecutor said hamilton had already killed
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when they got to the front door, they say high opened fire killing-- say he opened fire killing officer guindon. the chief recognized how special she was. >> she clearly had a passion to serve others in a way that went beyond herself. >> guindon had just been sworn into the department friday. she previously served in the marine corps. 2 officers were injured and expected to make a full recovery. tomorrow north carolina health officials are set to give an update on the mumps cases, there have been 3 confirmed cases across mecklenburg, cabarrus and iredell counties. 2 of those were linked to lowes headquarters in mooresville. there are 9 other probable cases, some have already fully recovered. a couple accused of abusing 3 month old twins will be in court tomorrow. nicholas clark and brittany heffner are charged with felony child abuse.
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february, authorities say both infants had injuries consistent with shaken baby sendroom. tonight this puppy that we have been telling you about all home. we told you monday little brody was found bleeding and abandoned in rock hill. police have sense charged 2 teenagers accused of shooting brody 18 times with a bb gun. brody survived, as you see, and found a new home with a 10-year-old girl named kaley. she lost her therapy dog in january and brody is replacing him. road rage turned violent. >> it was frightening, scary. >> new tonight, we hear from the bystanders that jump under to action after gunfire broke out. you are about to pay for more services like repairing your car. the new tax law that is taking effect and how much more it will impact your wallet.
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in charlotte as we get closer to 70 degrees, when the warmth leads to spring-like thunderstorms, coming up next. one of the most alarming scams we have ever seen at action 9. >> someone close to you as paid us to kill you. >> action 9 investigateathize death threat some people in charlotte received. >> what they are saying is scary. >> what sh scammers want and--
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you can do to protect yourself can do to p try the grilled nuggets and new superfood side
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police say that road rage led to a shooting in kannapolis this morning, as liz foster reports, witnesses say the outcome could have been a lot worse if 2 bystanders didn't jump in to help. >> after hearing 2 cars crash on orphanage road 9:30 sunday morning, this man, who doesn't want to show his face, ran outside just as he says he saw one driver approach the other car. >> the guy swung at him and the guy shot him. >> gale, a registered nurse, grabbed a towel and ran out to help. she says there was already a paramedic who ran out of this nearby church to help. >> he had taken his shirt off and he reached his hand out for the towel i had and he applied
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had been shot on the lower left hand side. >> gale said she and the other man waited until paramedics arrived. during that time she said the victim's girlfriend and their son were in the car and she tried to keep them calm. >> it was frightening, it was scary. >> kannapolis police talked to this man before he got into an investigator's car. but police have not said how he is connected to the case. as police directed traffic, detectives investigated. you can see here what appears to be a bullet casing in front of an evidence marker. >> it was very surprising, especially right in front of a church. you don't think you will see that on a sunday morning. >> gale believes if others weren't near by to help, the injuries would be worse. >> i prayed for him. i just prayed for him like any mother would do for her child. >> liz foster, channel 9 eyewitness news. >> we have called the police but so far have not heard back.
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of the victim or the suspect or said if anyone will face charges. new at 11:00, a sales tax increase will take effect this week in north carolina. the tax increase will apply to a mumber of serves, including car-- number of services, including car, appliance repair, roofing and fence installation taking effect tuesday. part of the revenue will be distributed to help counties in rural areas, we talked to people about the increase and some said they were unaware that it is coming. >> you just told me, so that is how aware i was. >> it is a little scary, such a charge hike in taxes that i think it will make it hard for a lot of folks to be able to afford vital services like getting cars repaired. budget negotiations last year. spot light won the coveted tonight. best actor went to leonardo
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the director of that movie took home the oscar for best director. bre larson won best actor for "the room." those are some of the winners, meteorologist john ahrens said we could be pushing 70. we are all winners. >> some of the best pictures are from charlotte. lovely outside. i think the nice weather continues for the next couple days, in case we don't get 70 tomorrow we have another shot tuesday. great stuff, live warning doppler 9 is dry, waking up to temperatures tomorrow morning that actually will be a little warmer than they have been in previous nights. a lot of us in the lower 40s, 42 statesville. 40 in jefferson, mid 40s rock hill into lancaster, a clear sky rockingham 47. one spot we will be watching, meteorologist keith monday will
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we will be in the high country, jefferson, zionville, beech mountain might have showers, early on. t i think sthis a quick-- i think this is a quick-moving after that. futurecast showed a weak cold front moving through and doesn't do anything to charlotte. a few extra clouds, couple extra clouds in lenoir and uptown charlotte another terrific day. temperatures up to 67. down to the south with mostly sunny skies, the neighborhood forecast in chesterfield and lancaster, wow, here is where we will see 70s. even warmer here, wouldn't be surprised if you live in richburg or great falls, terrific day for you with temperature right around 70 degrees and maybe even warmer as you move into tuesday. your threat tracker is focused a little on the allergies, though, the warm air, not a lot of rain, pollen count builds up.
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calms the next couple days but tomorrow. as far as cooling things off, though, i think it will take a while, probably not until friday into saturday is when some of the traditional march kind of weather should be moving infelt you have a couple days to enjoy the warm weather. right in between time is when we will be tracking rain in here, looks like wednesday morbing is the-- morning is the best chance. we will watch for the possibility of a few showers or storms and if you follow us on facebook and twitter, or personal pages we will give you updates and live feed with the weather app and looks like by the mid morning the rain should be out and we can enjoy a nice day after that. i hope you get the opportunity to get photos because we have seen terrific ones, special thanks to steven conley for the great shot lincoln county of the south fork river. our website is the best place to send the photos. 5-day forecast, nice day next couple afternoons, near 70 degrees, chance of showers and
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after that, what we are going to be talking about is friday. might be cooling off a little bit. >> okay. >> maybe snowflakes in the high country friday. not finish would winter-- finished with winter yet. >> enjoy tomorrow. thank you.
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in the rearview mirror, nascar enthusiasts insists the season begins in atlanta. today's track at atlanta motor speedway is a test of the season's first reduced down force package race of the year, basically the cars are harder to drive at this track than a season ago. the nascar boys turned in circles in the folds of honor, busch finished 4th as this race is decided in overtime. there is his brother, kyle. kevin didn't get a jump behind johnson, kyle busch looking for theicide. 48 holding him off. earnhardt looking at second place and dale squeaking by busch, third and final caution came out on the final lap, eric almarolo's car on fire heeshgs
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the caution deep on the field in the final restart. jimmy johnson picks up his win tying dale earnhardt for 7th all time. >> i remembered on my victory lap coming down and had to throw a 3 out the window to pay respect to the man. a huge void in my career i never had a chance to race with him, but at least i was able to tie his record. >> i post picture online all the time, these old pictures of the 80s and 90s and people go that is when racing was racing, when it was good. that is what they saw today. great car, fun to drive, hard, hard, hard to drive but i am glad we didn't have a ton of restarts because they don't always show the true ability of had car. >> after winning his 77th race, earnhardt, jr. beat out kyle busch, check how close this was, despite starting from the back after failing post
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place. >> i tried running higher than momentum off 2. we got to 3 and the only opportunity i had was to try to go out of his wake and not follow him and when i did that it landed on the splitter and plowed up the race tracks. kind of crazy there.
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a wake-up call at 15th ranked duke on the road at pittsburgh, the panthers are 0 and 6 verses ranked opponents this season. start to finish grayson allen and duke had their work cut out for them. 5 to go in the first, allen studder step and fall back jay for 2, blue devils trayed big. allen has pocket pick, pitt other way with numbers, duke
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pivotal division game as the charlotte hornets battle atlanta on the road with time winding down as tim hardaway, jr. hornets only 4 points-- 25-9 bad guys, second quarter williams heating up. 16-points for williams. they lose, though, falling to 2 games behind atlanta in the southeast division, back at home tuesday night hosting phoenix. >> it was a good trip for us, especially to start 5 games thon road after the break, but, obviously we felt like this is a had. it is disappointing but we did some good things this road trip. >> how you pace your team is everything, you want to have the right habits, be working on the right things as you are trying to get better right here but at the end of the day you have to have your energy for the games. >> former charlotte stars seth
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with his performance verses oklahoma city, he broke his own single season record for most 3 pointers, check hout deep. like 32 feetism he made 288 so far with 24 games left, his 12 3's tide for most 3 pointers in a game. curry has made at least a 3-pointer and nba record 129 straight games. while basketball is in full swing, the nfl combine is wrapping up which means teamerize in the middle of negotiating with players unrestricted agents, norman among those. the panther should resign norman. thomas davis feels like the 2 sides will get a deal done soon. march 1 is the deadline for teams to dish out franchise tags. >> as players, he is our brother, we definitely want him
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so that is up to the organization, josh earned every single thing is about to get and i couldn't be more proud of the guy. >> i had no idea what thomas davis was wearing with the hat. >> i love thomas davis. >> he can do what he wants. >> and josh norman and seth curry. >> happy camper.
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john, warm up a little bit tomorrow? >> very nice, near 70 the next couple days, tomorrow and tuesday. i think we cool off a little bit by the later end of the week. watch friday, there might be a few snow showers in the high terrain. winter is not finished. >> thanks for sticking around and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"!
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what did you think of j-law's dress? which white people did you go after, bro? >> chris, over here, did you to us! >> jimmy, jimmy kimmel, what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this camera, i figured i'd get a few shots. >> don't you have the "after the oscars" special tonight? >> jimmy: yeah, but -- did you get a gift basket? can i get some of that nourishing lotion? yo, chris. did leta rock it tonight? chris, who are you wearing? chris! i didn't find out who you're wearing! i need to know who you're wearing! >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! tonight - ben affleck, tracy morgan, henry cavill, jesse isenberg, j.k. simmons,
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matthew broderick, mike tyson, and less. plus we go live to the governors ball. presented by samsung. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- lights, camera, action - here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i was not expecting it. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for staying up. i know it's late for a sunday night but welcome to our 11th annual after the oscars special. the statues have been handed out, the speeches have been spoken, and once again i was not invited to any of the after
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[ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness. it was a night of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they clapped when the cameras were on them. as you know there were no black nominees in the acting categories. tonight's oscar hopefuls were whiter than the line to buy t-shirts at a michael bolton concert. the only way a black or hispanic or asian octoberer was going to win an oscar was if they let steve harvey announce the winner and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the show went mostly as expected, there weren't a ton of surprises. the biggest surprise was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared." it was an interesting show. the sound cut out on one of the guys who won best sound design. true. i think the person -- the kid
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short. so that was good. and the woman who won best costume design showed up dressed like this. >> this is the second oscar and tenth nomination for jenny bevin. the first oscar in this category -- >> jimmy: she looked like sammy hagar in sturgis. i guess she doesn't take her work home with her. "spotlight" won best picture. brie larson won best actress. [ cheers and applause ] leonardo dicaprio won best actor. leo had been nominated six types. until tonight he never won but everyone kept saying, this is his year. and it was. but you know, the man has had sex with a different victoria's secret model every night of -- every year of his year. from 1991 on has been his year. and it was a special night whether you're a fan of movies, movie stars, or the ryan
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we still have many great moments in store yore rou. ben affleck is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bad man versus superman." he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party and guess what costume his son made him wear to entertain the kids at the party. that's right. we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff. one day you're on the red carpet, next day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading to the governors ball, the post-oscars party across the street. our man guillermo is there standing by live via our big cisco screen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll get go to him now, guillermo, what's it like, are there any big stars around? >>. >> yes, there's a lot of the big stars around here. beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> oh. they at the bar right now. >> jimmy: they're at the bar, all right. see who you can russell up for us and we'll check back in later.
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>> about 40 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: okay, great. perfect. so he's ready to go. that's actually less than he typically has on a sunday night. thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governors ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year this year that was not nominated for best picture was "cred," the story of rocky balboa training the son of one of his greatals. stallone was nominated for an oscar. it would not be a movie without a sequel. the world premiere trailer for the much-anticipated followup to "creed." >> i will have a choice. this is my one shot. i was born to do this. can't nobody stop me! >> you got no business being here. >> the other fighters are
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look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie! >> get the hell out of my gym! >> look at this. your first fight with clubber. you got caught with a right uppercut. you're sounding like a dolphin with an itchy blow hole. hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! >> how do you know so much about >> that was my pops. >> junior. >> that's what marty povis told us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what do you think i'm talking about, fool, to fight. >> you don't look like a fighter. >> i been fighting my whole life. the people who said i couldn't fight -- >> ha ha ha! >> fighting my demons. >> hey, baby. >> fighting that lady in the
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she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. >> quheerls my dipping sauce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! aahhh! >> i'll teach you to fight, kid. let's get some shorts on you because we got work to do. come on. >> all i asked for was extra honey busmustard. >> come on! come on now! >> oohh! >> one. >> come on, chicken, come over here! >> boxing isn't just about strength and conditioning. it's about heart. brains. >> and fowls and wings! >> over, under, round and through. meet mr. bunny pull it through.
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you've got to focus. beat that meat like you mean it! harder! harder! you've got to kill him! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa, whoa, whoa! hey, hey, no! no! no! got it? you've got it. you've got it! [ cheers and applause ] >> it's the fight nobody thought would happen. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen. this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i can't wait to see it. >> this is our last round, you need this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum. >> focus, kid, you need your edge out there! >> rrrow! hey, get me some. honey mustard, you remembered!
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now go get him. >> that was clubber. >> i know, i know. mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. love you so much. i got hair in my teeth. go get him! >> pop? >> quit your jibber jabber, fool! >> how am i doing? >> good. yeah. there will be a sequel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break but it will be worth it, stay there. we have many stars and many surprises on the way. it's our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual "after the
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[ cheers and applause ] why can't i buy this weird, shaved-meat sandwich with my phone? why can't my battery last long enough to navigate me through these scary woods? ugh. eh, probably fine though. [lightning strike] why can't my phone have enough memory to hold all a hundred and forty-five of my movies, like that one with theaction and the martial arts. you seen that one? why can't my phone take high quality low light photos instead of this big, expensive camera? [police siren] why don't you come down from there sir? you got it! why doesn't my phone workafter i pour this expensive champagne all over it? how am i 'sposed to show people how rich and carefree i am? why did i have to wait so long in this commercial to do a celebrity sports person cameo? [scoreboard buzzer] why don't i ever get asked to be the spokesperson in the commercial? ha, ha. good question. introducing the only water-resistant, fast, wireless-charging, best camera having, memory expandable, pay almost anywhere, samsung galaxy s7 edge. vr experience ended. man, i would have made a great spokesperson.
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representative. so my kids don't have to forage,got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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>> jimmy: hello and welcome back to our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. batman is on the way. first let's check in with guillermo on the wall of america at the governors ball happening across -- look at this, guillermo, you did it! i asked you to get us a big star, you got us a big star, [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, america. quick costume change there, i guess. >> i don't know what you're talking about that wasn't me. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i forgot. >> the academy would never let somebody like ali g. come out. i went to the toilet, it was
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>> jimmy: is it true that sacha -- you were supposed to present and instead ali g. wound up filling in as a surprise? >> that is true. that is true. i was very displayed because i was getting ready -- nature called. i went into the bathroom. next thing i knew, i had been usurped by ali g. and made a fool of. >> jimmy: ali g. presented by olivia, did she know ali g. was coming out instead of you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm real sorry. >> i'm not aware. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sacha, i apologize, there's some idiots in the back. >> yeah, there's a lot of complete pardon my french [ bleep ] walking around. >> jimmy: yeah, there are people jumping around in the back like -- >> they're just trying to get famous.
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they didn't win tonight. >> jimmy: you know, this is really a shame that we put so much work into the show and then people just show and up they ruin it like that. >> bad losers. >> jimmy: well, you know -- sacha, you have a movie "the brothers grimsby" coming out. >> that's right, that's right. march 11th. >> jimmy: and again, i apologize for what's going on here, very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one that should be watching for what's going on. get the guy behind you out of the shot! >> who is -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> dim wit. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> stay away, please. >> jimmy: there's no excuse for that. i apologize again. some people are just gross. but thank you very much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stay away. >> jimmy: thank you so much, guillermo. >> stay away next year. >> jimmy: thank you. keep rounding people up, will you, guillermo? no --
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much. [ cheers and applause ] it just really pisses me off, that's all. so back to the movies. this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. is on car night is a night to celebrate great films. if you're at all familiar with the movie "the producers" you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the producers" is a classic, won an oscar for mel brooks, record-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years. now they're back with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. >> they were a pair of political consultants on needed a break. >> that's it! we're finished, through, kaput! >> don't say that, max. >> let's face it, bloom, we haven't had a winning campaign in years. >> max, do you realize under the right circumstances it might be
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winner? >> what did you say? >> first we find a bad candidate, then we raise money like crazy and promise all the donors ambassadorships to italy or sweden or armenia. then when the public figures out what a nut case our guy is he drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all the dough! oh, darling bloom, glorious bloom! you bloody genius you! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wait. this candidate. he's got to be the worst candidate in history. a real train wreck. schmuck, puttz, gold-plated nincompoop. where would we find a buffoon like that? >> and now a message from the board room. >> people have been asking about my desk and the fact that i have so many papers on my desk. it's actually very neat. but if you look around, i mean, there's a lot of stuff.
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people have a lot going on on their desk. >> hand me the phone! the phone! >> my desk is a very important part of me -- >> yes, yes, yes. hello, hello, operator? >> -- that's aood thing -- >> get me the board room. you know which one. innocence thens they had a foolproof plan. >> there's a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right? or crazy old semi-racist white people? >> they're sure he can win? >> oh, mrs. comisky, donald trump is the very definition of a winner. >> just read the pin. >> oh. >> bless you, mrs. comisky, bless you. thank you. thank you. yes. i keep the checkie, thank you.
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yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl. oh, oh! beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. all right, easy now. easy, we don't have time for that. easy. all right. don't worry, it's only six flights. bye! >> bye. >> thank god for citizens united. >> 22 ambassadors to france so far. >> and 25 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border? brilliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea about making the mexicans pay for it. >> he won't last the week! >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern border and i will have mexico pay for that wall. mark my words. we're in the money we're in >> announcer: but they pick the wrong fool.
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the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him like these two looney birds, these numb skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who will let our warriors do their job and go kick isis' ass? >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> well, i hear he's a proven businessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. >> i can't believe this it's not possible. >> where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute. wait a minute -- did he question john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should kick out 11 million immigrants? >> yes. >> did he propose banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.? >> si! >> did he say heidi klum was no longer a 10? >> yes, yes!
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>> oh, no! no! >> announcer: just in time for the election, it's a story that starts off funny and then gets really, really depressing. [ cheers and applause ] we needed a chump to put on the stump a frumpy grumpy named donald j. trump he's building a wall a thousand feet tall don't worry cause the mexicans will pay for it all >> announcer: from the producers of "the producers" comes a movie that will make america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick, and cloris leachman star in -- you've been trumped >> maybe he won't be such a bad president. >> bing bing bong bong bing bing bong bong.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a lot to come including we have tonight on the show never before seen footage from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to see guillermo nursed in a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. [ panting ] i focused on being prepared. [ gasp ] i saved your life by bringing you here. i knew this day would come. [ alarm sounding ] it's not safe out there. [ scream ] [ gasp ] something's coming.

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